we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
