I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Mom said you looked used
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
