I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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