After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
