wakey wakey hands off snakey
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Randomize
