If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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