Just cropdusted the office
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Randomize
