he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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