We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
