Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
