Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
i think i scared a bird with my dick
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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