He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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