you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Randomize
