she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
