Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
