just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
