have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Randomize
