he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
