Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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