Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
