I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Randomize
