i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
My ATM looks so different sober.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
