you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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