I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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