Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
