420 ftw
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
