Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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