Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
