Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
True college students do jello shots in the library
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