I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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