Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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