can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Randomize
