I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
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