All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Randomize
