I'm eating all of the evidence.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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