Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
