She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Randomize
