toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
