he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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