You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Randomize
