So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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