my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Is it penis luge time yet?
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
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