and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
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