Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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