I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
