The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
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