i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
