Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
