I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Randomize
