dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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